The Look of Depression

Written by Dr. Kathy Dooley on Dr. Dooley Noted May 9, 2015

In keeping with the theme of mental health this week, I'd like to share a couple of articles from Dr. Kathy Dooley that sync right in. Her style is simple, eloquent, and almost entirely based on personal experience. Enjoy!

- Dr. P

Depression is stigmatized. 

People don’t tend to want to be around people who are depressed. 

I should know. I’ve suffered from depression. 

There were moments when I opened up about the way I felt to my closest friends. 

Not knowing how to help me, they chose to no longer be my friend.

So, I learned to mask everything I was feeling. I knew depression had a look I wasn’t willing to show. 

The more depressed I felt, the more I would internalize. 

I spent my most struggling moments alone, fearing I would be burdensome or lose more friends. 

In therapy, I learned to be more honest with my feelings. And if I lost friends for it, then so be it. If they aren’t concerned with my well being, then the friendship isn’t real, anyway. 

The current nature of social media makes showing truth to friends very tough. 

I remember attending a seminar last year, and there was a moment that I had visibly showed stress. 

A person I had only known on social media pulled me to the side and said the following:

Person: “You seem edgy.”

Dooley: “Yeah, I had a moment of stress. I try not to hide much.”

Person: “I just assumed you never got stressed.”

That shook me. 

Of course I experience stress! It’s the only way to change and experience growth. 

But this woman had an idea she had formed about me from social media. 

I’m fairly upfront about embracing struggle in my writing. 

But that night, I looked at my pictures. 

I couldn’t find a single one that showed me struggling. 

I had cherry-picked the photos of my life, showing me almost always smiling, without an ounce of stress nor edge. 

I had given a visual image to her of who I was, based on pictures she witnessed. 

And I had set her up to see me a certain way. 

Last night, I read a thread about a college track star that took her own life at 19. 

All of her pictures on social media showed the perfect joy of a perfect life. 

A beautiful girl was suffering from depression – but her social media accounts didn’t reflect that.

She thought something was wrong with her because all of her friends seemed so happy on social media. 

But they even told her they, too, were struggling. 

She didn’t believe them – because of what she saw them post on social media. 

She felt alone. So, she took a nine-story leap off a parking garage. 

People with depression need to know that other people are struggling, too. 

We all need to hide less. 

I write about my struggles, but I need to do more about showing more struggles. 

We don’t need to constantly lament. 

But we could all stand to show more honesty, so that others know they aren’t alone in their struggles. 

As always, it’s your call. 

- Dr. Kathy Dooley